BAN CAKE

I have a proposition for you:

We legally limit cake. All forms of cake. Cakes sold in stores, cupcakes, cake mixes, fruitcakes at Christmastime, whatever.

Think about it: does cake serve any healthful purpose? No. It's not nutritional, and if you have too much of it you could get obese and die. Also, when you buy a cake from the store, you don't even know what's IN that shit.

We will make it so that cake is taxed heavily. First we'll have cake and non-cake sections of restaurants, and then we will ban cake from restaurants altogether. We shall also ban cakes from bars, because God forbid a den of iniquity should have some unwholesome activities going on. We'll ban cake in parks and in public and...outside generally.

Then, beyond the legal realm, we will also use media to push the Evils of Cake. We'll have a bunch of assholes who are too self-righteous for Jackass performing stunts of a different nature: public stunts showing exactly how sick a cake can make you, all the disgusting stuff in store-bought cakes, and how many people die each day from cake-induced obesity. Then, we will pick on the cake industry non-stop. It's full of assholes only interested in money. It advertises to children. It advertises at all. It doesn't warn people sufficiently.

We'll have cake-ed in schools, where people talk about being pressured to eat cake and how Cakes Are Not Cool.

Why not do all this? Because cakes make people happy? Pish-posh. Because this is supposedly a free land? Well, sure. You're free to not eat cake. Because people realize that cake is unhealthy already and they don't need the government and media to force them to pretend to care? What nonsense is this?

Stop picking on the cigarette industry. People know that cigarettes are harmful. People who eat cakes and people who eat cigarettes both realize that what they're doing is not beneficial at all, thanks. They just don't care.