At Margie and anyone like her

So this one blood-belching vagina in my school said that she liked being incarcerated at YI. Which would be fine except for the part where she had to snowshoe four miles with a knee that didn't work. And so I asked her how the hell she was enjoying it, and she said it was because she hated her parents so much. Suspecting that her parents were abusing her, I sympathetically asked her why. And she proceeded to go on about how her parents had their priorities wrong. They were buying a house that was too big, her mom kept telling her not to talk back (while also encouraging her to be "open" with her, she was an accident, and so on.

Hey, I have a suggestion! Why don't you stick a welding torch up your vagina, you brick-fucking cunt? What is this shit? Even at a private goddamn fucking school the majority of people have it WAY WORSE than that. You want me to pity you, you whiny bag of flaming shit? Okay, I feel so bad for you that your parents have a big house. I feel so bad because your parents have money. And I'm pissing myself pitying you because your parents have "their priorities mixed up". And what, exactly, are their priorities? The education of you and your siblings. Raising you properly. Providing enough so that you can all live comfortably. Helping you pursue your passions. Pushing you to succeed in life. Now, is it just me or are those admirable priorities? No, obviously not. You are, after all, the all-knowing fucking teenager and you should decide that your parents should have-- what priorities? Pardon me if I fear to imagine your ideal parental priorities.

And her mother being ambiguous about her parenting! Oh, Lordy! How terrible! That's so horrible that Bono should start raising money for you and take his focus away from the starving children of the world you poor, poor thing. And it's not even your mom's fault because she was brought up in Guyana where you said nothing to your parents but then moved to America with all the "be open with your parents" ideas and got confused. But it's absolutely inexcusable!

Which brings me to the larger part of this rant: listen up, you spoiled white (and yes, Margie, you fucking Twinkie, you're WHITE) brats. You're ALL whining about how "your parents don't understand" and how YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING and whatnot. First of all, your parents understand better than you'd think. Maybe that argument would be applicable if this were the early 70's and your parents were brought up in a time where the biggest problem in schools was rampant gum-chewing and you're being faced with death threats in the girls' bathroom, but this just so happens to be the 21st century. Your parents have seen it all. Hell, my dad went to a Catholic high school and he was also a hippie. But that's not the issue, here. No, the issue is that in most of your cases (it should go without saying that I'm excluding outright abuse or neglect or otherwise genuinely atrocious parenting, but I'm sure some douches would point that shit out) your parents are, in fact, trying to raise you right. They care about you, and they're trying to understand. But here's the real kicker: your parents are human. You may now slap me for my obviousness. But, seriously, as humans, they make mistakes. They have flaws. Your parents are not going to be perfect individuals just because everything in your life has to be amazingly perfect because nothing's ever good enough.

My parents have tons of flaws. Their priorities are not how something is but how it looks. My father has anger management problems. My mother allows herself to submit to the will of all her latest womancrushes, for better or for worse. But you know what? I love and respect them, anyway. See, I adhere to this truly novel idea that not everything in life has to be perfect. I know, I know. Isn't that SUCH A WEIRD CONCEPT? Next you'll be saying I'm going to get a job as opposed to begging daddy for a car.

Oh, and stop whining. Seriously. NOTHING in your life is hard. You can all quit pretending to be bisexual. Would I allow myself to be fucked by another girl? Yes. Am I bisexual? No. Because I have only been attracted to one person of the same sex my entire life, whereas I have been attracted to countless males. Yes, I suppose I am slightly bisexual, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make a big persecution complex out of it.

I don't particularly have anything against you if your life is absolute smooth sailing. Quite the contrary; I'd sort of pity you. But if your life isn't really that bad, you need to accept that. And if you consider yourself oppressed by The Man in any way, or if you consider your life "hard", allow me to blind you by sticking a machete in your eye. Then you'll have something to complain about.

You fucking cunts.

SIDE NOTE: It appears that the images from my dissection aren't in operation. I'll probably eventually get around to fixing that.