Carlos Mencia

Here's an idea: let's leave him alone.

No, seriously. There are all these people with no lives who go on about how bad Carlos Mencia is and how "anyone who likes him is retarded" (I've heard people say this).

He makes a lot of race jokes, which he wouldn't be able to get away with if he were white. OH, NO! SOMEONE LIKES TO MAKE JOKES ON A CERTAIN TOPIC? STOP THE FUCKIN' PRESSES! HOW DARE HE LIKE TO MAKE RACE JOKES!

You know, Lewis Black's angry style of comedy probably wouldn't work if he were a young man, because I imagine people would feel, "what does HE have to complain about, he hasn't seen any life yet?" But Lewis Black is a 58-year-old man, and as such, he has the ability to make his comedy in an angry style. Just because he's taking advantage of his position doesn't make him any less of a God. And Carlos Mencia is taking advantage of his position. I don't think he's exacerbating the whole "white people can't say anything" thing.

And, you know, he may make a lot of race jokes, but if they're funny race jokes then who gives a shit. We don't have to analyze everything. Sometimes people just like to have a little fun.

Also, apparently, people are all upset because "CARLOS MENCIA ISN'T HIS REAL NAME?" OMGWTFSTAGENAMENOWAI! No one's going to take you seriously if your name is Ned.

And as for the stealing thing, he does not, contrary to popular belief, steal every bit of his material from somebody else. And I don't even care what Joe Rogan has to say. If you host Fear Factor, nothing that comes out of your mouth is valid.

Lewis Black is AWESOME

Now, I watch standup all the fucking time. Comedy Central's good for standup. And I like it a lot. But I usually don't ever feel like going "AMEN! TESTIFY!" When I do, it is an extraordinary experience and puts the comedian (who is able to do it ONCE) in the Golden Hall of Fucking Fame. And when people get close to making me have that moment, they're still in the Golden Hall of Fucking Fame.

Now, with Lewis Black: Black on Broadway, I got bombarded with those TESTIFY moments, one after the other. And it was AWESOME. It's sort of like dancing really hard and being insanely tired but keeping on going because the music and the party and the dancing and the ecstasy you just took are all that fucking awesome.

He gave me about fifty of those moments in an hour and a half. He has transcended the Golden Hall of Fucking Fame. There is not an element out there to capture how thoroughly awesome he is. I want to cry, that's how awesome he is.

Some of you may be saying "Now, NRP, you're just saying that because it was Secret Stash and it's 12:30 and you hardly had any dinner. You're not making any sense." No, I have things to back up my claim.

They don't know shit [about health]. Because each person's health is different. Each person has their own unique health. What's good for you will kill the person next to you. Because each person is like a snowflake.

He's absolutely right. There are vegan bodybuilders. My friend went vegan (and did so responsibly) and her nails came off. Different strokes for different folks.

And there are all these goddamn health reports. "Dark chocolate is good for you".

No, it fucking is not. Because it's chocolate. You don't eat chocolate because you want to improve your health. You eat lean white meat and spinach salads when you want to improve your health.

And eggs. My GOD. Are they good for you? In January they were. In February they were not. In March they were. And now they're not.

He's right. And that's not the only thing he said that was awesome.

"They have destroyed water."

Fuck bottled water. There are people in third world countries who drink anything if it's less thick than fucking maple syrup, and meanwhile "ooh, I don't want water unless it's slightly carbonated and quintuple-filtered and sold in an environment-killing plastic bottles."

That's enough on Lewis Black. And, no, nobody is paying me. I just was inspired tonight.